Have you ever encountered someone who seemed to be living their dream life? They made up their mind what it was that they wanted to accomplish and they didn’t allow circumstances to take their focus off of the goal. They never entertained the possibility that the obstacle that was in their way was meant to stop them, but viewed it, instead, as a nuisance to be overcome. Giving up and defeat were never options in their mind. They’ve dealt with setbacks, detours and roadblocks. They might have had many doors shut in their face, but they kept going until they found one that was open. It’s called persistence. When you keep your mind focused on what the goal is, it makes it a lot easier to persist, but when you allow your mind to wander from the goal and become focused on your circumstances, you can become easily discouraged by setbacks and obstacles.
I recently learned how to swim. Now let me give you some background so that you understand why this was such a big deal for me. For years, my husband had been trying to teach me to swim. A couple of times, I actually let him take me out to the middle of the pool and attempt to teach me, but once I felt uneasy in the water, I retreated back to my safety zone on the wall. Every time I felt the water closing in around me, it reminded me of a time when I thought I was drowning while on vacation with my family. I wasn’t actually drowning. I only needed to stop panicking and stand up in the water. But after that incident, I didn’t leave with the understanding that had I not panicked, I would have been okay. I only left with the profound sense of fear I had felt when I believed that I was drowning. After that, I mostly avoided the water. If I did go in, I only ventured as far as my comfort zone would allow me to go, which was about to my knees or contentedly holding onto the edge of the pool kicking my legs pretending I was swimming. So, what was different for me this time? I believe it was because I changed my focus. I stopped connecting where I was presently with where I had been. I only wanted to focus on the present and my goal, which was to learn to swim. It was only then was I able to let go of the fear of the water and move forward.
For me, this lesson was about more than swimming. I have no disillusions about being the next Olympian swimmer to win the gold, but it’s about the lessons learned when I step outside of my comfort zone. This incident started a different conversation in my head. It became about trusting the process, which was “I must let go of this in order to experience that”.
Example:
I must let go of fear in order to experience freedom.
I must let go of hate in order to experience love.
I must let go of distrust in order to gain trust.
I must let go of judging others in order not to be judged.
I used to hear the older folks say when I was younger and a child would fall and hurt themselves, “pick him up, make sure he’s okay, clean him off and send him back out to play”. I used to think that was so mean. Didn’t they see that the child was hurt? But, thank God for the wisdom of the older generation. They understood that if you coddled the child too much, they would become afraid of falling again, and so they would stop playing. They understood that if the child became afraid of falling, they would stop climbing. They understood that if always in the forefront of the child’s mind was the fear of falling; they wouldn’t be free to explore and play.
What If…?
It’s such a seemingly small question, but one that could propel you to the next level in your life if you ever followed through on the answer.
As this New Year gets underway, think back on your own life? What incident(s) can you attribute to having kept you frozen in fear or anger or bitterness or any other things that has kept you from experiencing the joy and freedom that you desire in your life?
Ask Yourself:
What if you weren’t afraid of being hurt again, how would your relationships be different?
What if you weren’t afraid of looking foolish in front of others, what would you do differently?
What if you weren’t afraid of failing, what would you try that you haven’t?
What if you weren’t afraid of change, what needed changes would you make in your life?
What if you weren’t afraid of starting over, what would you let go that’s been holding you back?
Fill in the blanks for yourself.
What if
__________________________________________________________________________________________
Trust that those things that you have experienced and learned along the way (even those that were painful) will serve in helping you be better at what you were purposed to do.
H A P P E N I N G S
Sister Network (founded in CA) held its National Empowerment Summit in Pasadena, California this past Thanksgiving season. Some left with clarity. Others left rejuvenated, while some left enlightened, but all left with a sense of connection with some beautiful sisters who support one another as we walk in our purpose. To view photos from this event, go to http://www.instituteofselfdiscovery.com/pages.asp?pageid=48165 .
The New Jersey Chapter of Sister Network partnered with the Apostle’s House in Newark, NJ in their “Adopt a Family” program during the Christmas season to help make this a joyous season for women and their children. We will also be partnering with the Apostle’s House on an ongoing basis in the coming year, providing motivational forums and support to women & children.
The book “Beyond the Body: Developing Inner Beauty”, which was co-authored by Karen along with 24 of her colleagues from Professional Woman Network, was released in December. Look out for upcoming dates for book signings at select Barnes & Noble stores in the coming months.
Stay tuned for more information on the dates of the next Sister Network National Empowerment Conference to be held on the East Coast in the summer of this year.
R E C O M M E N D E D
R E A D I N G
Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway
By Susan Jeffers
Fear and Other Uninvited Guests
By Harriet Lerner
